And if I have it, how do I get rid of the Conficker virus? Stand up, run around your chair three times, sit back down, don’t buy all kinds of anti-spyware and anti-virus tools, don’t sign up for free scans or pay for someone to check for you. Don’t download some program that you know nothing about, making claims to clean your PC, speed it up and cure your cold.

This is what you must do, right now – R-E-L-A-X.

This is the biggest non-threat that’s making headlines everywhere. It even made 60 Minutes and getting coverage everywhere. If you’re reading this and have read my Computer Security guide your safe. You don’t even have to read that, you only have to have Windows Update turned on. Microsoft sent out a patch months ago to not only detect it but to get rid of it. Even without going out and buying an anti-virus program your protected from this Conficker worm virus thing.

If you’re just now getting around to turning on Windows Update and can’t, you’re probably up a creek. Conficker will not only turn off Windows Update, but it will redirect your browser away from sites like MacAfee, Symantec, and Eset.

You just installed Vista and can’t find Windows Update? It’s right here:

Seriously, If you’ve been running Windows Update either automatically or manually fairly often you’re probably fine. Just to make sure you get to the Start Menu, type Run in the search box, enter, then type MRT and enter for Microsoft’s Malicous Software Removal Tool.

If for some reason you have it and have been using OpenDNS, the OpenDNS project has blocked all of the domains that Conficker “calls home” to so it can’t get updates or instructions.

If you can’t run Windows Update or go to regular anti-virus or secutiry sites you may have it. One fix is to download MRT or any anti-virus program from a good computer then, transfer via disk/USB to the infected computer. If you can’t get to a good computer because your entire network is infected, there are step-by-step instructions at Microsoft: Virus alert about the Win32/Conficker.B worm or let me know in the comments or email and I’ll help you out.